Coming Out of a Rut
jean jacket // OW tee (coming soon) // criss cross jeans // ankle socks // shoes // sunnies (old - similar)
If I’m being completely honest, I haven’t felt like myself for a few months. I’ve alluded to it a few times but around November of last year, I fell into what I can only describe as some sort of fog/rut/burnout. At the time it felt like everything was exhausting, I lacked motivation to do all of the things that usually made me really happy, and I didn’t know where I was headed or why I wanted to go there. After what felt like to me a very successful year, it unfortunately ended in a negative place. Looking back, there had been a few challenges I was going through personally and I started to feel like a victim. Nothing glaring had happened but now I realize that over time, my expectations for “where my life should be” weren’t lining up with reality and instead of looking inwards for ways to address what I was feeling, I was looking for someone to figure it out for me. I wanted someone to swoop in, clean up the pieces and carry me to the next place I needed to go. I lacked agency and allowed my negative thoughts to fuel my circumstance.
Let me be clear, I realized none of this at the time. I truly thought that life was happening to me. Something switched this weekend. I listened to an old episode of one of my favorite podcasts and realized how I had been contributing to my own lack of motivation, drive and willingness to make changes in order to move forward. Funny enough, giving yourself permission was a huge theme in sharing how I finally left my ten year career in tech last year. What I didn’t realize and what has now finally clicked for me after listening to that podcast episode this weekend, is that I was still waiting to someone else to help me achieve my longterm dreams for how I want my life to turn out. And guess what?! There is no one coming to do that! Once that actually clicks for you, it is incredibly freeing and allows for space to work towards the future you want. Not the future someone else is going to give you in their way, but the future that you can literally build from scratch. How liberating!
Now that I’ve listened to that episode twice, I've moved onto Dean’s book and I already have so many incredible takeaways. I’m very excited to flesh out what I want this year to look like by digging into the following activity:
Imagine it’s one year from today, and when you’re looking back over the past year, you realize it was the best year of your life. What does that look like to you? What would have to happen for you to wake up every morning on fire, free of dissatisfaction, and convinced you aren’t wasting your potential?
The last thing that I will leave you with is this, from Theodore Roosevelt’s Man in the Arena speech:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
I urge you to stop looking outwards for safety, clarity, next steps and getting what you want. It really is up to you. Be the “man” in the arena of your own life.
shop THIS POST
